2011: Reflections of a Shadow

2011 is nearly over and I dropped off the Blogosphere for the last half of it. I guess I've been a bit busy. Mostly I didn't feel talkative. I've been taking care of business: Mom plus band mom plus band chaperone coordinator, taking care of my mom, my job, and the other usual duties.

What follows is a few random thoughts from the shadows:

I had an epiphany a couple of months ago that Life is truly a very long (if you are lucky) roller coaster ride.

Life is also sometimes like a parade. Enjoy the music and smiles of people you don't know.

On October 10, my mother fell face-first onto a concrete courtyard and [only - amazingly] broke her nose. She has bounced back like The Energizer Bunny, as she always does. I'm just so thankful. There have been a multitude of people who have helped care for her since my sister and I moved her to Florida on July 6th. My sister has been able to visit her here twice since then. If you have a sibling, take good care of the relationship. It can be one of the most special relationships in your life.

Parasailing is totally worth every penny. If you have the opportunity - DO IT.

Learning even one small tidbit each day is a satisfactory goal. Every person you meet can teach you something - even if they have Alzheimer's. Sometimes it's okay to just sit and enjoy a quiet moment with someone who has lived 80+ years.

The Nutcracker is a story about inner beauty versus outer beauty. I think that's why it fascinates me so much.

Here's to 2012! I'll try not to be such a shadow next year.

After the Storm

This photo sort of sums up my summer. Perhaps it's the reflections that inspired me to reflect on what has happened since mid-April and share that with you. Maybe it's the fact that it rained cats and dogs back then and then we've had a drought until this weekend. Maybe it's the peace and calm of the scene. Thankfully, that's how I'm feeling about it.

Just a little background -

My mother has Alzheimer's Disease. She was diagnosed in November of 2005, although there were signs earlier. My brother Preston lived at her house starting in 1999. His wife has Multiple Sclerosis, and my mother was my sister-in-law's caregiver.

Fast-forward to April 2010, and my brother was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. This came out of nowhere, as my brother is not a smoker. Radiation and chemo and a lot of positive thinking and prayers beat that cancer back.

Then in April 2011, some new symptoms appeared. After 12 days in the hospital, Preston was diagnosed with cancer in his lymph system, and an aggressive metastatic brain tumor, and was given 2-3 months to live.

I traveled to my mother's house in mid-May to help. My niece (my brother's daughter) had been doing her best to valiantly oversee things while working 3 different jobs. We had home caregivers there 24/7 but with two patients it was quite a challenge.

Many of my dear friends asked "what will your family do without you?" I have to hand it to my husband and two teenage daughters - they never complained. They did express that they missed me, but never made me feel guilty for deserting them for almost two full months.

My brother passed away on the morning of June 13. He was just 54 years old. Just two days earlier, my siblings and I were in his room together for a few brief moments. When my sister stepped across the threshold, I immediately choked up, knowing that it would be the last time ever, although it was the first time we'd all been in the same room for about a decade.

I was not sure that I should have been the one there in Preston's last weeks, but as time progressed, it became clear that it was what God wanted. My brother and I were not best buddies growing up. One could even say that we didn't like each other very much. We had an "Oil and Water" relationship - somehow we just didn't blend well. But as time went on, God repaired the years and years of anger. I believe that I was a comfort to my brother at the end. He told me that he could never repay me. I told him that he just did.

The next task was to move our mother safely to a place where one of us could keep an eye on her on a regular basis. The best choice seemed to be to move her to a place just 2 miles from my house. Unfortunately, that required a full day of travel - either 2 connecting flights or a 15-hour drive from Missouri to Florida. My sister and I decided on the drive, and we decided to do it at night to hopefully reduce any anxiety our mom would feel.

Luckily, we have always been like the Three Musketeers, my sister, my mother and I. I told my mom we were going to go on a trip, and it would be an adventure. She never hesitated to trust me. She also never slept  during the entire drive. She is truly The Energizer Bunny. Unfortunately, that also meant she might be more emotionally fragile upon entering the memory care facility. Despite that, she has actually flourished with the higher level of social activity and choices. My sister calls her "melting sugar", because she just keeps getting sweeter and sweeter. I call her "amazing".

Amongst all these experiences with our loved ones, my family also has had the chore of sorting and packing the stuff of virtually everyone in the family, because my brother's family had lived at my mother's house. That was the physically exhausting part. But truthfully I think that helped with the emotionally exhausting part, because moving my mom also meant saying goodbye to having a home to come home to in my birthplace and hometown.

We aren't finished. But, now that we've almost unloaded every box, I have a little time to reflect. I haven't shed a tear for awhile, but writing this, I couldn't help but spill a few drops. I'm feeling somewhat scattered, but overall more blessed than I have in my entire life. I'm especially thankful for my family. The storm will come again, but right now I'm thankful for the peace, God's love, the puddles, and the rainbow.

Variations on a Theme

Miniature landscapes from a rainy May day in mid-Missouri. 

Burger King and the Better Bite Burger Barn

Our band juniors are traditionally 'crowned' at the end-of-year band banquet by the graduating seniors. It marks a milestone: a coming-of-age. Freshman band members covet the golden crowns for 3 years until it is FINALLY their turn.

Next year's seniors will have to travel across the 3-mile bridge to get the coveted crowns for next year's juniors because the Gulf Breeze Burger King just closed this week. Our royal crown-procurers barely got there in time to get these all-important items. Talk is that there will be a Chick-Fil-A in the old Burger King's place. I think we all can probably remember the food joints that have come and gone over the years in places we've lived. It makes me wonder if the Better Bite Burger Barn is still in Osage Beach, Missouri. You read that correctly: The Better Bite Burger Barn. Hey - don't laugh. We didn't have a McDonald's, so Better Bite eventually went from a tiny drive-through place to a eat-in restaurant with soft-serve ice cream AND a bakery. This was a Pre-Frappe Era. Better-Bite-had-it-all. [Sorry, I noticed I was getting hyphen-happy.] But I digress....

Milestones. Traditions. Coming-of-age. Feelings for these are happy-sad, but more happy than sad.

So ~ good luck graduating seniors, and congratulations to the rising seniors! May you always keep the music and your band friendships in your heart. <3 And hang on to those golden crowns. They might appreciate in value as you pass more milestones in the future.

Why Music Matters for Alzheimer’s Patients

Why Music Matters for Alzheimer’s Patients

Time Flies

 

Two of my favorite photos of all time for you today. 

(I'm the short one.)

I remember so distinctly how I felt when my first daughter was about 2 weeks old. 

My mother came to Florida to help me with the birth of our first daughter in 1991 (and again for our second daughter in 1994). I had a C-section both times, and in 1991 Kelsey also had to stay in the hospital for 10 days for antibiotics. They thought she had neonatal pneumonia due to aspiration of amniotic fluid. She was big and healthy, and aside from the IV antibiotics and velcro sunglasses for jaundice, she was perfect. We were and continue to be very thankful. 

Meanwhile, back at the ranch - Mama (that's me) was recovering from major surgery. That was the easy part. When Kelsey came home at 10 days old was when the fun began. 

Motherhood is the greatest opportunity for growth for any woman on the planet - I firmly believe that. No matter how sore or exhausted you may be, there is a new person who depends completely upon your ability to nurture through the pain. Life suddenly becomes one huge slumber party - without the slumbering. At one point, I was so exhausted from walking the floor with my little Dictator that I was actually in tears. My mother said calmly: "I'll take her, dear." I can hear her voice right now, and it brings tears to my eyes still (the good kind). 

It was at that moment in my life when I truly appreciated what my mother went through to have four children in four years (1957-1960). She did not have electronic babysitters (video OR audio), nor did she have the convenience of disposable diapers and nursery monitors. 

That Moment = Pedestal + Mother

I have always adored my mother, but at that moment, I truly knew the depth of her love for her children. 

Now that I'm a mother, I understand. I love her more now than I ever have, despite the fact that she has Alzheimer's and doesn't know who I am. One thing she does know is that I love her, and she loves "that girl" too. 

My two children are now 17 and 19 and will hopefully be mothers themselves within the next decade or so. If I can only measure up to what my mother did for me. My... how time does fly. 

Working at the Car Wash

I went out to wash my car this morning and got roped into watering plants, weeding, laying out pine straw, and helping to chop down a tree and drag the branches to the chipper. 

At one point I got distracted by our amazing Japanese maples. 

I can never resist the glint of sunlight on a colorful leaf. 

HRH Queen Elm of Westover

The Royal Wedding between Prince William and his beautiful bride Kate was lovely, especially the music. I found myself simply floating as I left my house to go to work Friday morning. That wedding was truly a treat for the eyes, ears and spirit.

The Royal Wedding was a refreshing look at grace and elegance, which have become a rarity these days, in my ever-to-be-humble opinion. If those traits ever disappear completely from our culture, it will be much like the day when HRH Queen Elm of Westover is gone from my mother's backyard. It occurred to me one day that without this single majestic tree, there would be no shade and therefore a completely different atmosphere. No longer would it be a serene and green haven. It would stay brutally hot on every sunny day, and there would be no shelter from the sprinkles during gentle rains. Because of the shade it provides, the fireflies come out a little early there each evening and one can enjoy them prior to the onslaught of the mosquitoes at dusk. The sound of the breezes in the branches is so tranquil.

Grace, majesty and elegance. I think it was Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz who reminded us that we don't ever need to look farther than our own backyard for our heart's desire. Sadly, this will be a tall order for the Americans who were affected by the devastating tornadoes of this past week. Far from the fantastic grandeur of Westminster and Buckingham, real people lost their lives, their homes, and the beauty and elegance of their trees and towns. This tragedy has reminded me anew to be thankful for all my blessings, and especially for the simple elegance of my own backyard.

It All Depends on How You Look At It

I fancy myself an amateur photographer. I'm pretty sure I got the knack for this as a child, studying ants within an inch of my nose, watching them carrying dirt specks, cookie crumbs, and moth wings to and fro. It was great exercise - for my thighs, I mean. I'd squat for hours peering at my insect friends. These were the relatively friendly, large black ants of central Missouri, not the nasty little fire ants that we have here in the south.

Wow, what a segue - photography and perspective to ants and exercise. Some people would call that rambling. I call it efficiency. In truth, my way of looking at things stems from taking interest in observing what I have around me, rather than dreaming about what I haven't got.

So what did you study up close when you were little? I used to dig in the dirt or go rock-hunting in the creek behind our house. The other thing I used to do was to listen to records on our little portable record player. My favorite was a Pete Seeger record. This was back in the day when we had three stations on our television set, no cable TV, no VCR or DVD player, and computers were decidedly NOT personal and also were approximately the size of small houses. We didn't have lots of technology to play with. What we did have was TIME.

Some of my earliest musical memories are my Pete Seeger records and the Boone Docs. I was pretty lucky. Although the child of two medical professionals, my parents were also amateur musicians. The Boone Docs were mostly medical professionals who loved music and wanted to play together for fun. My daddy played valve trombone and sousaphone, and my mother played banjo and sang. The plastic surgeon who fixed my broken jaw when I was 2 years old played a truly swingin' clarinet. Dee played drums and Raymond played piano. Perhaps in a future post I'll pay tribute properly and look up their names for you, because I haven't listed them all. More than anything, they were my parents' friends. They would gather in the basement of our house and practice tunes like The Sheik of Araby and Tiptoe Through the Tulips, as well as The Saints Go Marching In and Blackbird, Bye Bye, among others. On practice nights I would tiptoe through the playroom and give a kiss goodnight to my parents and then lie in bed listening to Dixieland jazz as my bedtime lullaby.

My mom would tell you she can't sing, but she would play her banjo and sing Trouble in Mind or Rattler to her four children. I picked up the ability to play banjo by ear by watching her with our family friend, Mitch Jayne. Mitch was not a member of the Boone Docs; Mitch was one of the original members of the bluegrass group called The Dillards. My Uncle Mitch is worthy of a whole separate post, so you'll just have to be patient with me on that. But a nerdy thing that I'd like to relate to you right now (I told you I'm a nerd) is that even though I have various and asundry degrees and certificates in music, I picked up my ability to sing and play the banjo completely by ear. The funniest thing to me is that I never even tried to figure out the true pitches on my banjo until a year or two ago. Just recently I was able to sing Pete Seeger's version of My Little Rooster from memory, but I honestly haven't thought about his version of that song since about 1971. Some people learn everything by memorizing it. My sister tells me this is the reason that she remembers every note of our high school marching band drum cadence, and I don't. I've never thought I had a good memory, but I guess I actually do. The thing is, I haven't relied on it or even really thought about it since I learned to read music, sometime around ...1971.

So - what was your childhood perspective? Future scientist? Future artist? What are some of your earliest memories? Surely I haven't been the only ant-observing rock collector on the planet...

Foundations

OK...what will you find here? Life in the present, ideas for the future, lessons from the past.

I had a website named Musicmind for several years. If you were familiar with that, you'll recognize some related stuff here. I still have music on the mind and I don't expect that to change anytime soon. Don't expect a lot of humor...I'm always surprised if I manage to make someone laugh because I don't consider that one of my strengths. I do love to laugh and find humor everywhere (for example: What if all people walked like kindergarteners? Wouldn't the world be more fun? Sort of like The Ministry of Funny Walks as Reality...)

Nevertheless, I hope you'll find alot a sincerity and truths here. I've been complimented for my passion. Confession #1: I'm a nerd and I know it. I'll try to always be concise and to the point.

I'd like to dedicate this to my parents. I gained my love of singing from my mother, and my curiosity for the brain and how people work from my daddy. Warts and blemishes... I got 'em. But I'm grateful for all I've been given and the opportunity to learn every day. If you learn anything by visiting here, I'll enjoy hearing from you so I can learn from you, too.

Okay, let's get out there and seize the day. (o: